So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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