Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
