I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
