as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
