Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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