Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
