I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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