people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
