so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
