Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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