apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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