like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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