What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
