i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So vagazzling was a success
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
