just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
