So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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