I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
