Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
