shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
