even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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