Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
