you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
