Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
