I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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