he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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