Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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