When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
