I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
