u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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