If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
