Betty ford says i'm here all night
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
