pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
