my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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