Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
