Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
