All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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