im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
