One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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