I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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