Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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