The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
