You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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