I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
