Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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