carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
