i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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