So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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