babies were throwing up all over the place
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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