you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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