the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
