would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
