this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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